i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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