Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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