you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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