My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
