My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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