Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
