i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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