gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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