I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
