I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize