im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
