marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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