So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
