Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I sprained my soul last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
