I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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