why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
