I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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