I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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