She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize