why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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