i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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