Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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