u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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