So drunk its hurt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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