I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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