i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
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well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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