I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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