I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
