guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
