Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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