ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
