Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
