yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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