I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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