I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
