i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
