Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
