lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
