You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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