I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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