i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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