I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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