Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
