New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
