The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
