Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
