Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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