I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
