but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
