Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
True strength comes from lack of pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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