This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
