We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have aggressive nipples.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
