I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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