After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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