I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
