The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
