Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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