so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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