There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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