Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
