take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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