How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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