Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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