Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
