come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
