My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
