This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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