I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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