2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize