I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
